Well, a month it has certainly been! Time for another monthly review. I lost week because of medical travel, and am still feeling the effects of it. But I’m slowly getting back on track and back into the groove. While I was away I got a couple emo songs stuck in my head, and so when I got back the first thing I did was play them! It feels good to be back home in my bed to belt away with no reservations. Such fun!
So, one week and $20,000 of imaging later, the doctors found nothing to move forward on. I still need to have it reviewed by the specialist who initiated the imaging request, but the whole idea was that we would find a target for surgery and doctors who oversaw the imaging would be then be able to recommend an operation. But alas, no such target was found and so we go back to the drawing board.
Since it seems like I’ll be this way for the foreseeable future, I guess I can double down on plans for this project. Growth of the YouTube channel has been slow and steady, and I’m starting to think its mainly because I’ve been making more Shorts content which I guess its what’s being pushed by the platform. Two of my shorts last month actually got over 1000 views, which is not a lot compared to big channels, but for me it kind of blows my mind that so many people viewed one of my little clips.
It took a moment of reflection to change up my process to make the vertical format video for shorts, but a little workflow improvement has made a big difference. Before I was taking recordings of my streams and then chopping them up into chunks, and then resizing each clip into the vertical format. Then I realized I could just convert the whole stream into vertical format once, and then chop that already resized video up into the shorts. It may seem minor, but significantly reducing the amount of mouse and keyboard time spent on resizing was a major win.
As it looks like I’ll need to be doubling down on this virtual performer thing instead of preparing to do live shows in real life like I was hoping to do if I could get better, the idea crossed my mind to chop up my streams into videos of individual songs so that people interested in a specific ukulele cover will be able to find it and pull it up. Until now I’ve been treating my streams as sort of live events: be there or miss out! I have not typically tracked what songs I’ve been playing or going back to add time stamps or anything so the streams are all kind of just big blobs of music being sent into the void.
But what if I take those blobs and chop them into individual songs to create a library of long-tail search terms? Could be good. Only thing is I’m playing from a pool of about 600 songs, 100 which I’ve added since the start of the year. I know this because I updated my Streamer Song List, which is a service that lets people request songs using chat commands:
https://www.streamersonglist.com/t/isekaiukulele/songs
It only works on Twitch, and for now my primary platform has been YouTube so it’s been of limited overall value. But for me its a handy database of all the songs I could play if requested. Actually its not quite all of them. It’s really just the charts I’ve saved off of Ultimate Guitar. There’s a handful of songs I play from Dr. Uke charts, or my jazz stuff that comes straight out of fake books. Almost all of my instrumentals also aren’t really included either. But overall those are pretty minor parts of my repertoire.
My current dilemma is that I’m not sure about flooding my subscribers feeds with hundreds of videos. At least with Shorts they’re kind of out of the way and easily ignored, but if I suddenly start publishing multiple videos every day…. well, I would be annoyed if someone I subscribed to started doing that. My personal approach is to treat every subscriber like a human, and so I’m hesitant to change things up so dramatically. I feel like my approach has been to publish a low volume of high quality videos, while the streams and shorts being more of average content.
So I’m thinking of creating a second channel specifically for the purpose of posting ukulele covers. It might be an interesting A/B test to see which strategy works better. But also, its extra work to have to manage a second channel. It could be also be just my own personal peeve and I am just thinking too much.
Fate, up against your will
In the weeks leading up to my medical travel, a rather curious thing happened. Two different people with absolutely no connection from two very different walks of life happened to both give me different books by Dr. Joe Dispenza. So far I have only read through “You are the Placebo” but “Becoming Supernatural” is next on my list. Actually the first person also gave me a copy of Eckart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” that I’m just finishing up before diving into the next Dr. Joe title. I had read Tolle before, but its been an interesting experience revisiting it now with a new perspective.
In a previous mindset, I would have thought of it as some divine indication that there would be ideas worth adopting within. These days though, I am much more cynical and tend to view it as an interesting coincidence more than some form of providence. Anyone who promises a miracle is trying to sell you something.
One might think that in my current situation where modern medicine has basically failed to address my issues that I would be more open to exploring alternative paths to healing. And in truth I am – I have given faith healers their fair chance at fixing me as well. I still read the book. But my current worldview is rather frustrated by the underlying theme of a consciousness-first reality.
The idea that the primordial substance of reality is “consciousness” is an ancient idea. The idea that you, as a spark of divinity, are responsible for your situation in life because of how you think is at the core of many new age thought patterns. If only you could change what you believe, you could change your entire experience. With but a little faith you could move mountains!
I see a kernel of truth in that mindset. I vehemently believe that you get what you believe. If you believe that Jesus will answer your prayers, when you pray you will hear Jesus. At least, what you think is the voice of Jesus talking to you. You need to believe in miracles to experience a miracle. Otherwise, it will just be a happy coincidence.
I have no problem with other people believing whatever they want to believe. If it makes you happy, by all means harm none and do what you will. But personally, I have a distaste for the idea that I consciously or unconsciously asked for the challenges I face for the sake of mental or spiritual growth.
The truth is that a certain perspective of history does validate the idea that you “ask” for every experience you receive, no matter how random. You were “asking” to be hit by car by virtue of crossing the road. The actions you chose literally opened up the possibility of the future you experienced. Was it your “fault”? The faith healers would say yes, it was your soul yearning for change and creating this opportunity to change your ways.
So, did I ask to be in this state? Well, I certainly distinctly remember a point in my life where I wished that I wouldn’t have to work and could just watch anime and play video games and make music to my hearts content all day every day. But I no longer believe in the benevolent hand of divinity, either in the form of an internal spiritual compass or some external guide. I think that life happens, and our challenge to deal with our situations in whatever ways we think are best. If my situation is not a happy accident, then I would have some very choice words to offer my guardian angel.
I prefer to think of the world as purely physical, a world of cause and effect. Modern advances in quantum physics have spawned ridiculous conceptions of “quantum consciousness,” but indeterminism is not contrary to an ordered universe. It’s well known that weather effects are inherently chaotic and unpredictable. Yet while the weather at any particular point is incredibly hard to predict, we are able to understand the larger weather patterns in great detail.
The idea that it’s human observation that collapses the wave function is a gross misinterpretation of the Copenhagen perspective and crumbles under the slightest scrutiny. But if you want to believe, when someone like Dr. Joe suggests its how you can access the quantum field of infinite energy, then surely you believe.
Instead of Dispenza or Tolle, I would recommend the thinking of Alan Watts. There’s been a wierd trend to create AI generated lectures of his, or remix his talks over chillstep beats, but the original works still hold muster:
What does this have to do with this musical project? Two things: first, one cannot help but be an expression of your beliefs. Whether or not you are actively proselytizing, any time you get in front of a crowd and say “look at me” you are inviting inspection of your way of life. We are social creatures that copy what we see, even if we do not see the full picture. I think it is important to have a clear internal understanding of what you are representing whenever asking for someone’s attention. It’s better to be consciously aware of what you are projecting.
I don’t think that I want to start singing protest songs anytime soon, but I do appreciate the challenge to examine my current philosophical stance and incorporate it further into my artistic pursuit. These books have helped me to re-evaluate my approach to art.
Its very difficult to be completely satisfied with the current situation while also yearning for an improvement in the position. Of course I want more subscribers, that’s the game. But also, it’s already very cool that I’m getting as much attention as I am. The yearning for more is mere vanity. I can scheme and try to “do better” but in truth just playing for myself alone in my room is enough to celebrate. I feel lucky that I can enjoy playing at all. The middle path is certainly a challenging pursuit.
The second thing is that I’m getting a sneaking suspicion that I may actually want to be a teacher. Just like with the singing, it really never entered my mind as a specific thing to pursue. But also with like with the singing, it seems like something that I’m naturally drawn toward. I will gladly explain what I’m doing and why I do it to anyone who will listen. And I admit its actually kind of fun. Whether it turns out to be teaching musical things, or having philosophical discussions, I’m starting to get that similar feeling that I may wind up pursuing these things whether or not “I” think I want to.
Perhaps there actually are forces out there in the universe pushing me toward a certain future. Who knows?
