So, I want to be a streamer…
A decade ago I graduated with an MBA and was working hard as a development coordinator raising millions of dollars for a nonprofit organization. Then I got horrifically sick.
I became bedridden in near constant agony, eventually had to move back in with my parents, and had to totally let go of being a highly proficient productive member of society. I had a lot of time while staring at my ceiling for contemplation and self reflection. Thus I embraced being a hikki-NEET loser (and watched a ton of anime). My physical condition has improved significantly after some treatment, but I’m still effectively bedridden and prone to random bouts of severe migraines.
For the uninitiated: “Hikki” is short for “hikkikomori” which is roughly translated as “social recluse” aka one who stays in their room all day and never touches grass. Sort of like a reddit mod (which I (un?)ironically was for a bit). “NEET” stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training. Basically no job and no prospects for one. I mean, I am disabled, and trying to do real work often results in excruciating pain. So, there’s that.
Still, these are rather derogatory terms, which became normalized in isekai (“other world”) anime where the adventure starts after the pathetic main character dies in an accident and gets reincarnated into a fantasy land with cheat powers and gets the girl(s) and saves the world.
One of the big questions they asked as we trained to be the business leaders of the next generation was: what would you do with FU money? That is, the amount of money in your bank account that you would say F U to anyone who asked you to do something you didn’t want to.
Funnily enough, my answer is that I would probably want to play music, and video games, and watch all the anime. Which is pretty close to what I do now. If I actually had money I’d have the family and security and even more musical toys, but eh, if I don’t look on the bright side it’s easy to fall into the pit of despair. Maybe one day those things will come.
So I have been playing the music. Lots of it. Last year I launched this blog and a YouTube channel to document my progress. I can’t say it was a resounding success, but I definitely learned a lot along the way. It was a step back toward being “productive” which is such a deeply ingrained mindset that it’s hard to ignore. I don’t work and I still get to eat, but the fragility of the situation is hard to ignore. My parents won’t be around to take care of me forever.
If I had to work, I’d want to be a musician. If that’s the case, I should start preparing for that now. And so I blog. And make videos. And have decided to try be social and start streaming… right now I’m only playing in a few discord channels I’m comfortable in, but soon enough I’ll make the jump to Twitch.
I’d kind of rather just stay on Youtube, but apparently you need 50 subscribers to start streaming, and I didn’t manage to find that many in all of last year. But, I didn’t really care about that either. I feel like I would recognize the face (or ukulele!) of about half of my subscribers, and that feels better to me than a big number. You get what you ask for.
I started an account on bluesky today. Guess I’m really asking for it…