So I found out that you don’t need 50 subscribers to stream live on YouTube. I guess that’s just a requirement for the mobile app or something. I still have a lot of issues to work out, but it’s all sorts of these little details that I don’t consider until I run into it as a problem. Like, somehow my eyes keep creeping up out of the frame XD
And this is a perfect example of the “matter over mind” perspective I’d like to share. I thought I couldn’t do a thing, and so I didn’t. But the truth was, materially, it was possible. I just had to look closer at the actual situation. What the mind thinks is real is irrelevant. What is actually real if the material world we exist in. Matter is the prime substance.
In a similar way, the biggest thing I learned last year was that what I thought I wanted to do is not what I actually wanted to do. The mind is an unreliable narrator.
I used to be very goal oriented. Decide what you want, make a plan to get it, execute and refine until successful. Having the rug pulled from under my feet with no reason or recourse made me reevaluate my perspective. Despite having a very mind-first approach, it could do nothing to remedy my situation. I believed then and still firmly believe now that when there’s a will there’s a way. But there was nothing I wanted enough to push through the extreme difficulty and pain to obtain. My will was insufficient. And so I came to believe instead that will is a function of the brain – that is, of matter.
Case in point: I told my body to play music every day, and that I wanted to do instrumentals. I fully intended to do so. But when I picked up the uke, the body kept singing. Instead of focusing on transcribing anisong, which I thought I wanted to do but rarely pursued because it was a super frustrating process due to not being able to use a computer effectively, I’d learn to sing some new song that got stuck in my head instead. When it was pointed out that I seemed to just be singing a lot, I agreed and eventually just accepted that maybe what I really wanted to do is sing. And I’m quite happy with the outcome so far.
So I’ve been trying on the perspective that the body will do whatever it wants to, and the best thing to do is adapt the mindset accordingly. There are ways in which you can encourage the body to do things, but ultimately the body controls the mind. You are your body, and the mind is a reflection of your physical state. Some may call it fate, or soul, but I am currently a hardline materialist. What is real is material, all the way down. There’s a whole practical line of reasoning behind this, see the works of Daniel Dennett, and Michael Graziano’s Attention Schema Theory of Consciousness if interested in learning more.
Many can and do train the body to reflect the wishes of the mind. For example, I’ve met many who dedicated their lives to making money and have found great financial success. Whether or not that leads to a happy life or inner fulfillment is a different question. We do the best we can with all we got.
In the past, if the mind wanted more than what the body could handle I’d say work hard and you can get there. You can get it if you really want, but you must try, try and try, try and try. I still believe in this adage. But now I say, well, maybe change the mind to reflect where the body is. Am I sure I really want it? If I don’t have it, in reality, I must admit I didn’t want it enough to try, try and try until I got it. In truth, the body actually wanted something else.
The path of a solo singer is very different from that of the solo instrumentalist. I started this blog with a vision for how to create a platform for an instrumentalist. Now I have to pivot. It’s a little strange because I don’t feel super mentally compelled to walk this path – no bolt of inspiration or “good idea” appeared that I just have to explore further. But here we are.
I thought I felt perfectly fine being a recluse and not singing for anyone else. I just find myself at the foot of this mountain and it feels like the body wants to climb it. So the new theme for this year is how to find an audience for the aspiring singer-strummer. I know there are many people out there who also want to have their singing be heard, so perhaps I can still light a path to follow.