Isekai Ukulele

Category: Isekai Adventures

Anything not related to music or gear. Experiences, musings, goals, creative writing, and such.

  • April in Review

    Has it already been a month? April was an interesting one, filled mostly with process improvements and a growing understanding of “what I actually want to be doing.” YouTube has continued to be the biggest winner, starting the month with 100 subscribers and growing to just below 130 over the course of the month. Shorts still seem to be performing well, and a handful of regulars have started showing up to the streams, so that feels pretty awesome!

    I (and my voice teacher!) have also noticed good developments in my singing. Both the quality and range of my ability has significantly improved. I’m not singing for 4 hours every day for nothing! 

    4 hours? But you only stream for 3? That’s right. I realized I needed more time to practice off stream to drill deeper into certain songs and techniques. So, I do a warm up and practice for an hour, take a short break, and then do the stream.

    By the end of the stream I’m completely exhausted, but I’m hopeful that I’ll get used to it eventually. The three hour streams were rough to start with too. There’s just so much music to learn, and so many things I can work on to improve! 

    Speaking of, I’ve updated my Streamer Song List with 160 songs that I picked up over the last two months. There was another 50 songs I had picked out to work on but haven’t gotten to yet, so the journey continues!

    This does mean I’ve been pushing myself to exhaustion like every single weekday though. In March I was able to get a lot of work done over the weekends, but this month I lost two whole weekends to severe migraine episodes. Its really not fun. And whenever I have these multi-day long episodes, my mental state suffers. I tend to get depressed and lose all motivation, as you might expect when one’s head feels like it wants to explode for several days straight. 

    The first one I think was triggered by my brother coming home from college: I stayed upright too long having a conversation with him over breakfast. It wasn’t particularly long. Probably closer to an hour instead of my normal 30 minute routine. Problem was I wasn’t tracking time. I had to excuse myself because I felt it coming on, and then did my stream, and then… well, it just got worse and didn’t clear up until taking the migraine meds. 

    It’s a whole story with the meds too. The doctor recommended something and gave samples and they worked pretty well. But insurance said no, so I got some generic something else instead. It was also kind of a nightmare to navigate this stuff within our basically rural healthcare system. It took 3 months from my initial visit to when I got my meds. So I’ve been kind of stingy with them and not wanting to have to deal with refills. Even when I do take these generic ones, it feels like they take several hours to kick in, and it only stifles the sharpness of the migraine – a general malaise still lingers. But well, that’s the monkey paw that gives me the time and freedom to pursue music like this. So it goes.

    Streaming and Socializing

    Leading up to the launch of this streaming phase at the start of this year, I intentionally avoided social media. I’m very much an introvert, perfectly happy to be alone in my room and not be bothered by anyone. In fact, I stopped looking at most social media because seeing normal people doing normal people things was kind of aggravating. It’s frustrating to have your limitations be constantly thrown in your face while everyone goes about taking their normal lives for granted. It feels like most posts are either boasting, complaining, or advertising. Ugh, yeah, I can live without that. 

    But the game of being a musician is to connect with people, and given my situation, social media is the way that is relevant and accessible to me. It’s been a struggle to find a balance between shameless self promotion and genuine networking. This month I leaned into shameless self promotion, and while it worked on YouTube, I haven’t seen similar results on TikTok or BlueSky. The strategy of screaming into the void didn’t really produce satisfactory results, and I’m not really sure what to try next. I’m thinking I may just pivot away from those two platforms. 

    The one interesting thing that came from BlueSky was finding a new streamer who does use it effectively and joining her community. It’s a strange feeling for me though, like, watching her stream she proudly admits that most people in chat are also other streamers. I guess networking is essentially quid pro quo, but I’m not convinced that that’s a winning strategy for me. It reminds me of that thing I talked about last month where musicians congregate just to try mooch off of each other’s audience. 

    Then again, it worked on me, and I do genuinely enjoy watching her and her friends play games. Sometimes you do just need the introduction. At the same time, there’s that overhanging feeling of reciprocity. It’s like an extremely inefficient method of “buying” views with time instead of cash. But having that social validation of 20+ people watching your stream does help attract people and keep them around. Then again, if all those people are all streamers who are only there to try to get your attention and steal your audience, is that really a good community? 

    The question then returns to, what am I trying to accomplish? Who am I singing for? What’s the point of my project here? I want to find people who genuinely enjoy my musical performance. I want people to find me fun and inspiring. Kind of. I actually… am at odds with myself. I don’t really care about being heard. In fact, I kind of prefer singing alone in my room with no one to witness it. But also, that drive to be a productive member of society is so deeply ingrained that it’s hard to ignore. It just feels better to be exhausted after a day of “performing” than to constantly have to find new anime to watch to waste away the days. 

    Another part of the idea was that if I ever needed to work, I’d want to be a musician, and the best time to lay the groundwork for that is before I need to turn it into a profitable venture. So part of this is motivated by fear: I’m currently on disability insurance and being supported by my family, but there’s no guarantee that both of those resources will be there forever. If either of those things fall away, it will be tough times for me. So like the proverbial ant, I feel like I should prepare for whenever winter comes.

    Finally, I’ve had the thought for a long time, but wanted to definitively prove that there is a relevant non-traditional path to becoming a professional musician. A professional is someone who gets paid to do whatever they do. I see a lot of musicians who would like to be paid to play music, and I myself would like to be paid to play music, so I’m trying to figure out what it takes to make that happen. So far, the playing music part is fine, it’s all the work to find people willing to pay you to do it that’s the challenge. 

    Right now I’m struggling to find people willing to listen to me play music for free, so first things first. It was clear from the beginning that it’s not enough to just play music. It does seem to help quite a bit if the music you make is actually good though. These days the competition for attention is vast, and when it comes to music, people can opt to listen to their favorite songs at the touch of a button at any moment instead of listening to your crappy cover. So there’s a lot of not-music work that needs to be done to turn a hobby into a business. 

    Even though I have basically all the time in the world to devote to this project, my mental and physical energies are limited. I’m thinking I might bite the bullet and pivot back into Meta platforms. I hear the ukulele community on Facebook and Instagram are pretty robust. As cool as vTubers and hungry streamers on BlueSky are, I’m starting to think that it might not be a good use of my time. I’ll probably keep my account open and post occasional updates, but I think I’m deciding that it’s maybe not the platform for me. Also I still can’t stand TikTok so that’s an easy one to drop too. 

    But Father… I want to sing~

     At the moment I don’t care that much about what I’m singing in particular, as long as I’m singing. The idea is that I’m in the process of building up my vocal muscles so that I can sing well in a variety of styles. I think of it like running for exercise: it doesn’t matter as much where you run, as long as you do it regularly. To that end, I’ve been learning anything and everything that gets shouted out or comes to mind. There are definitely some songs and styles that I prefer over others, but I’m able to find the merit in almost every piece that comes my way. 

    My brother came back from Japan with a Miku Stomp, and I needed to learn the right notes to sing for this, so I had to do it.

    A decent chunk of time this month went into learning “Not Safe For Work” (NSFW) songs for a NSFW day, which were filled with foul language reference sex, drugs, and violence. Honestly it was a lot of fun. But also, I don’t want to be known only for that. And it can be kind of embarrassing when someone jumps into the stream for the first time in the middle of an incredibly raunchy song… which somehow happens a lot. Could be an irony attractor. 

    But if it’s what people want, then it’s what I’ll sing. I think most artists have this issue of wondering if they should do what they want, or give the audience what they want. The best art seems to balance both, and present something wanted in an interesting or unexpected way. Once a level of success if earned 

    Somewhere Over the Rainbow is a perfect example of a song I’m putting a decent amount of effort into learning to sing well because it’s a popular tune for ukulele. Left on my own it’s really not something I would sing for fun, but if people want to hear it, I want to be able to sing it well. Maybe someday I’ll care more about what I’m singing in particular, but for now everything is practice. There are many lessons to be learned.

  • Marching on into the night

    The third month of streaming has been another one full of experiments and lessons. There’s been several adjustments to the approach across platforms, with varying levels of success. The big wins this month were reaching 99 100! subscribers on YouTube, qualifying for “affiliate” status on Twitch, and building up a decent library of cover song playlists:

    Here’s a link to the full spread of playlists: https://www.youtube.com/@IsekaiUkulele/playlists

    80s is mostly the cure and the smiths, the 90s has a bunch of pop and alt, the 00s and Emo set has a bunch of overlap, and the modern pop set (2020s+) featured above has been filled out.

    I had talked about the idea of cutting up my streams into individual songs last month’s review, and this month I did it! And whoa, it was a task. I kind of burned myself out in the first two weeks, and then spent the latter two Saturdays not doing any “work” at all because its really not my favorite thing to do.

    I like making music. I don’t like making content. But, I do like people hearing my music. And making content is how new people come to hear my music.

    Streaming alone is basically like busking on a corner, except in the online world the foot traffic is entirely engrossed in their own bubbles and you need to be a certain size before the algorithms start organically recommending you. My channel is far from that size, so the random people who drop in is very limited. You don’t get that big without extra work.

    Networking is another effective way to gain viewers, but I’m still figuring out how to approach this in a way that works for me. More on this later.

    So far, YouTube Shorts have been my biggest draw, and I think that is because YouTube is trying hard to push Shorts to compete with other the other short form content platforms that are the flavor of the times. I’ve had several people pop into the live stream saying “I saw your short!” and they stuck around for a while.

    The idea of creating playlists seems to have paid off as well. After finding the button that says “do not notify subscribers” buried in the advanced settings section, I added about 150 songs chopped out of my streams. This is part of a “long tail” strategy where I’m hoping that they’ll pop up whenever people might want to hear an ukulele version of whatever song I might have played. And I’ve been getting some random comments and views on certain ones.

    While shorts seem to lose steam after about a week, I’m expecting these full song videos to continue being useful until I rerecord them when I can sing better. Now that I’ve got a decent library to be searched, I’m planning to start releasing them daily with the notification to my subscribers instead of dumping them all as soon as I finish editing them.

    Time to complain

    Let me tell you why I don’t like making content. Using a computer while in bed is hard, and it runs the risk of triggering my migraine episodes. It’s super frustrating to be so limited in doing basic tasks like using a mouse and keyboard, and then to run the risk of several days of intense pain on top of it makes it hard to motivate myself to do this work.

    Another issue is the time it takes to review my streams to cut out the songs. More often than not I want to review the entire song to make sure I didn’t mess up horribly (though sometimes I let that slide anyway), so every video takes some multiple of the song length to prepare. Whenever I watch myself its always through a lens of self-critique, so I tend to pick out all the negative aspects of my performance (because I want to improve, of course). But this makes the entire exercise rather disheartening. I rarely think “Wow! That was a great take! I can’t wait to share this!” and instead think “Well… that’s… good enough to share… I guess…” So its like, a continual barrage of me facing my flaws, and knowing I can’t even catch everything bad at my current skill level. Let’s go~

    A third issue is that video editing software is clearly designed for people sitting at a desk. Using keyboard shortcuts and having precise mouse control makes the workflow so much easier. I find myself unconsciously sitting up to do some things just because it feels that much easier and comfortable. Alas. When there is a will there is a way: I can get it if I really want, I just must try, try and try, try and try!

    In one small win, I did find a software that kind of helps to cut down the stream length and pull out the songs a little bit easier. It’s not designed specifically for this task, but it still helps. And with a bit of discipline, I can change my streams to work better with it.

    The secret weapon is called “Recut” and its a tool to remove silence from videos. You may have seen videos where there’s these little micro-skips in the talking heads, but it still sounds pretty natural. That’s what this program does, and its mostly designed for podcasters and video-essayists, but with a little attention I can place silence before and after my songs and it can help cut out the non-musical sections.

    So instead of scrubbing through 3 hours of a stream, I can cut out the talking and sort through the 1.5-2 hours of actual music content. The program also spits it out as a new clip, so I can also use that to make the vertical format shorts. A little editing up front eases the difficulty of chopping on the back end.

    I approached streaming as a “part-time” endeavor, aiming to devote about 20 hours a week to the task. Since I stream for 3 hours every weekday, that’s 15 hours there already. I also do a session on Sundays to learn new songs by playing along with recorded music that I can’t play out loud on stream.

    And actually, for the past week I’ve been trying to add an extra hour of practice before the stream. I realized I needed more time to hone specific musical skills that I don’t think are particularly amenable to practicing on stage. It’s pushing my physical abilities to the limit, but I’m hopeful that I will adapt.

    There’s just so much music I want to learn, and skills that I need to acquire. I want more practice playing in front of people, which is what the streaming is about. But I also need to keep honing my abilities so the quality of my performance also improves.

    When it comes to music, I’ll play all day. I thoroughly enjoy all the practice and performance. However, adding in this push to make content has ballooned the amount of time spent on this project. For the first two weeks of March, I spent at least an extra 20 hours on the content creation. Basically my entire weekends were spent editing and cutting and uploading and naming files.

    It was too much. I did nothing for the second two weekends because… ugh. And then I felt bad that I’m procrastinating the work, like I should be doing this thing that I don’t want to do. I don’t like this feeling at all. But then, its also not annoying enough to actually get me to do the work. So it just hangs over me. Lol.

    Perspective is difficult

    I should keep the output in perspective: if I released one video per day, the 150 videos would have basically been 5 months of content. But because I wanted to build my library I just pushed it all out at the same time. I decided to keep the Shorts releasing at 1 per day, so I actually do have a nice pool to choose from for the next several months. And if I keep doing the work that pool will just keep growing.

    After getting over 1k views on a couple Shorts, its easy to feel down about getting a mere couple hundred on others. But like, that’s 100 people who watched my little clip. That’s a win! I haven’t really cracked the secret to getting high views on every post yet, but I’m starting to get less completely surprised by the performance of certain Shorts. So far it seems like posting the most popular songs on Friday seems to be the best strategy. That’s basically the best idea I have about how to make a good performing Short.

    It’s also difficult to keep comparisons to other channels in check. Its not uncommon for me to see channels with like 2,000 subs and think what? why? how? I don’t… I don’t get it at all. But then, the path to get there is entirely obscured, right? How long they took to get there, how much work they put in, what worked for them and their audience in particular… it’s all hidden by the march of time. And I bet they look at those with 20,000 subs in just as much awe.

    Will I ever get there? Well, I’m sure I can if I stick with it. How long will it take to “get there”? Where am I even trying to go?

    I have to constantly remind myself: its not how big your numbers are that matters. It’s who is behind those numbers. Every view from a real person is someone taking their time out of their life to listen to me play. That’s what its all about. If I can’t connect with one person, why would I presume I could connect with 1,000?

    Who you know is everything

    I’m a classic introvert, happy to sing to my four bedroom walls and more bothered by attention than elated. However, music is a social activity. Business is a social activity. Being human is a social activity.

    Almost all metrics of “success” are defined by the impact one has on those around them.

    Money flows to things that positively impacts lives. Admiration is earned by those who excel in leading others. Music is great when it is loved by those who hear it.

    To be a great musician is to play the right music at the right time for the right people. My goal is to be a musician. So it follows that I need to learn the right songs, find the right people, and play it at the right times. You can’t please everyone. I want to find the people who I can please, and not worry about the rest.

    I often feel my musical taste is a little eclectic, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who likes what I do. It’s been a challenge to find those others who like what I like. I still don’t know what the right music for me to play is. I don’t know when or where to play it. But, it wouldn’t be much of a journey if I had all the answers from the start.

    There’s a culture on Twitch that I’m not sure I entirely vibe with. There are the streamers who have “made it” and have huge followings with hundreds of loyal viewers throwing seemingly ludicrous amounts of money at them. There are those who are moderately successful, that regularly draw 30-100ish viewers and seem to be relatively well compensated for their efforts.

    And then there’s the rest of us, struggling to reach 10 viewers and having a really good day whenever we get raided by a larger streamer. “Raids” are when a streamer signs off and sends their viewers to another channel. The channel that gets raided sees a message with the number of viewers added to the chat.

    The bigger fish seem to understand how it was to be small and are tolerant of raids with small numbers. The raid announces that you are a streamer, and are choosing to support the recipient of your audience. It’s a strange quid-pro-quo situation. Raiding a big streamer is a way to interact with their larger audience, and to potentially gain follows back (for having the good taste to raid a beloved streamer).

    It seems kind of shallow and shameless to me. I don’t like it, but maybe I just need to get over myself. But yeah, I get it. It’s a digital version of the kind of networking we used to do in live shows back when I played in the indie rock scene. I’ll come to your show if you come to mine. Let’s play a show together so our audiences can mix and mingle. Of course, there were many nights were people just show up for their band and left as soon as their friends finished playing. Never really liked it back then either, but that is the game.

    I mentioned this at the start, after a raid from a mid-sized streamer I’ve been following, my channel finally met the requirements to be a Twitch affiliate. If I accept the promotion, I’ll be able to receive subs, do things with channel points, and upload my own custom emotes.

    Being an affiliate also means that you have to run ads on your channel. If you choose not to run ads, new users and non-subscribers will need to watch a “preroll” of ads before entering your stream. Or you can run adds every hour and that will be skipped. Another thing is that Twitch keeps half the value of all subscriptions until you reach a certain threshold. I’m not sure how the compensation for discounted subs works, but I’m still processing my feelings about fully buying into the ecosystem.

    If billionaires are a blight on society, shouldn’t we boycott their products? If I stay at my level my channel may suffer, but I could keep leeching off of their infrastructure… is leeching better than a boycott? Steal from the rich and give back to the poor…

    I’m not particularly eager to monetize yet anyway, but that could just be a cop-out. Networking is hard for me. I don’t like meeting new people because it takes time and effort and energy to figure out the filters I need to apply to have a comfortable conversation. I’m the type who likes to have an idea of what the answer will be before I ask a question. Its hard to do that with someone you just met, especially online.

    I tried a couple different strategies on BlueSky this month, none of which produced the outcomes I was hoping for. I started with an approach of “do what feels right” and held that course for about two months. It was ok, but I never used Twitter/X and don’t have the instinct for how the platform works. I then changed it up to try focusing a bit more on myself and my views on things. I shared a bit of my backstory and tried to start conversations in new spaces. Alas, not very satisfying results with that either.

    For the next month, I’m going to try a new strategy I’ve dubbed “scream into the void” in which I repurpose my YT Shorts and just post one every day. I’m also going to do this on Tik Tok because I objectively hate that platform, but they say its good for musicians so whatever. I found a service on which I can front-load posts about a week out on both for free, so I’m just gonna spend a little time each weekend doing that and let it rip.

    Putting in the care to try craft interesting conversations and coming up empty handed wasn’t fun, so I’ll try the opposite. Musicians should let the music do the talking anyway, right? My “be human” approach failed, so let’s see how a month of “post like a bot” goes.

    Where do we go from here?

    I caught a bug to start writing some original music. The idea was there from the start, back when I thought I wanted to be an instrumentalist. But then I got sidetracked by singing, and there was so much to learn in that space that it consumed most of my attention.

    Now I’m in a spot where I’m basically trying to build up my vocal muscles. I’ve only been singing with real guidance for about a year, and my teacher says that if I want to get to the more nuanced stuff, I really need to develop my vocal chords more first. That’s part of the motivation behind the 3, and now 4 hours of daily practice. I’m training myself how I imagine a professional musician would, focusing most on where I need the most improvement: singing and stage presence.

    Starting the channel and posting covers was always supposed to be a means to an end, the end being the production of original music. I have seen too many musicians make posts saying “I just spent the last <far too long> making this album, now how do I get people to listen to it?” Well, my answer is to start gathering those ears well before the album is even a glimmer in your eye.

    The hope is that by the time I’ve taken my original music as far as I can and am ready to publish it, I’ll also have found the audience to appreciate it. I think now more than ever, the music doesn’t matter as much as the personal connection to it. I hope that those who have been with me from the start, who are reading this post now, will find whatever I make exciting because you have been part of the journey.

    You can summon your favorite song with a few simple keystrokes. You can ask an AI to generate whatever kind of song in any genre with any lyrics you like. But you can only hear what this humble ukulele player thinks is worth devoting his life to play if you stay connected. I hope you stay tuned, and hope the adventure is worth it for you too.

  • It’s the end of the month as we know it

    Well, a month it has certainly been! Time for another monthly review. I lost week because of medical travel, and am still feeling the effects of it. But I’m slowly getting back on track and back into the groove. While I was away I got a couple emo songs stuck in my head, and so when I got back the first thing I did was play them! It feels good to be back home in my bed to belt away with no reservations. Such fun!

    So, one week and $20,000 of imaging later, the doctors found nothing to move forward on. I still need to have it reviewed by the specialist who initiated the imaging request, but the whole idea was that we would find a target for surgery and doctors who oversaw the imaging would be then be able to recommend an operation. But alas, no such target was found and so we go back to the drawing board.

    Since it seems like I’ll be this way for the foreseeable future, I guess I can double down on plans for this project. Growth of the YouTube channel has been slow and steady, and I’m starting to think its mainly because I’ve been making more Shorts content which I guess its what’s being pushed by the platform. Two of my shorts last month actually got over 1000 views, which is not a lot compared to big channels, but for me it kind of blows my mind that so many people viewed one of my little clips.

    It took a moment of reflection to change up my process to make the vertical format video for shorts, but a little workflow improvement has made a big difference. Before I was taking recordings of my streams and then chopping them up into chunks, and then resizing each clip into the vertical format. Then I realized I could just convert the whole stream into vertical format once, and then chop that already resized video up into the shorts. It may seem minor, but significantly reducing the amount of mouse and keyboard time spent on resizing was a major win.

    As it looks like I’ll need to be doubling down on this virtual performer thing instead of preparing to do live shows in real life like I was hoping to do if I could get better, the idea crossed my mind to chop up my streams into videos of individual songs so that people interested in a specific ukulele cover will be able to find it and pull it up. Until now I’ve been treating my streams as sort of live events: be there or miss out! I have not typically tracked what songs I’ve been playing or going back to add time stamps or anything so the streams are all kind of just big blobs of music being sent into the void.

    But what if I take those blobs and chop them into individual songs to create a library of long-tail search terms? Could be good. Only thing is I’m playing from a pool of about 600 songs, 100 which I’ve added since the start of the year. I know this because I updated my Streamer Song List, which is a service that lets people request songs using chat commands:

    https://www.streamersonglist.com/t/isekaiukulele/songs

    It only works on Twitch, and for now my primary platform has been YouTube so it’s been of limited overall value. But for me its a handy database of all the songs I could play if requested. Actually its not quite all of them. It’s really just the charts I’ve saved off of Ultimate Guitar. There’s a handful of songs I play from Dr. Uke charts, or my jazz stuff that comes straight out of fake books. Almost all of my instrumentals also aren’t really included either. But overall those are pretty minor parts of my repertoire.

    My current dilemma is that I’m not sure about flooding my subscribers feeds with hundreds of videos. At least with Shorts they’re kind of out of the way and easily ignored, but if I suddenly start publishing multiple videos every day…. well, I would be annoyed if someone I subscribed to started doing that. My personal approach is to treat every subscriber like a human, and so I’m hesitant to change things up so dramatically. I feel like my approach has been to publish a low volume of high quality videos, while the streams and shorts being more of average content.

    So I’m thinking of creating a second channel specifically for the purpose of posting ukulele covers. It might be an interesting A/B test to see which strategy works better. But also, its extra work to have to manage a second channel. It could be also be just my own personal peeve and I am just thinking too much.

    Fate, up against your will

    In the weeks leading up to my medical travel, a rather curious thing happened. Two different people with absolutely no connection from two very different walks of life happened to both give me different books by Dr. Joe Dispenza. So far I have only read through “You are the Placebo” but “Becoming Supernatural” is next on my list. Actually the first person also gave me a copy of Eckart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” that I’m just finishing up before diving into the next Dr. Joe title. I had read Tolle before, but its been an interesting experience revisiting it now with a new perspective.

    In a previous mindset, I would have thought of it as some divine indication that there would be ideas worth adopting within. These days though, I am much more cynical and tend to view it as an interesting coincidence more than some form of providence. Anyone who promises a miracle is trying to sell you something.

    One might think that in my current situation where modern medicine has basically failed to address my issues that I would be more open to exploring alternative paths to healing. And in truth I am – I have given faith healers their fair chance at fixing me as well. I still read the book. But my current worldview is rather frustrated by the underlying theme of a consciousness-first reality.

    The idea that the primordial substance of reality is “consciousness” is an ancient idea. The idea that you, as a spark of divinity, are responsible for your situation in life because of how you think is at the core of many new age thought patterns. If only you could change what you believe, you could change your entire experience. With but a little faith you could move mountains!

    I see a kernel of truth in that mindset. I vehemently believe that you get what you believe. If you believe that Jesus will answer your prayers, when you pray you will hear Jesus. At least, what you think is the voice of Jesus talking to you. You need to believe in miracles to experience a miracle. Otherwise, it will just be a happy coincidence.

    I have no problem with other people believing whatever they want to believe. If it makes you happy, by all means harm none and do what you will. But personally, I have a distaste for the idea that I consciously or unconsciously asked for the challenges I face for the sake of mental or spiritual growth.

    The truth is that a certain perspective of history does validate the idea that you “ask” for every experience you receive, no matter how random. You were “asking” to be hit by car by virtue of crossing the road. The actions you chose literally opened up the possibility of the future you experienced. Was it your “fault”? The faith healers would say yes, it was your soul yearning for change and creating this opportunity to change your ways.

    So, did I ask to be in this state? Well, I certainly distinctly remember a point in my life where I wished that I wouldn’t have to work and could just watch anime and play video games and make music to my hearts content all day every day. But I no longer believe in the benevolent hand of divinity, either in the form of an internal spiritual compass or some external guide. I think that life happens, and our challenge to deal with our situations in whatever ways we think are best. If my situation is not a happy accident, then I would have some very choice words to offer my guardian angel.

    I prefer to think of the world as purely physical, a world of cause and effect. Modern advances in quantum physics have spawned ridiculous conceptions of “quantum consciousness,” but indeterminism is not contrary to an ordered universe. It’s well known that weather effects are inherently chaotic and unpredictable. Yet while the weather at any particular point is incredibly hard to predict, we are able to understand the larger weather patterns in great detail.

    The idea that it’s human observation that collapses the wave function is a gross misinterpretation of the Copenhagen perspective and crumbles under the slightest scrutiny. But if you want to believe, when someone like Dr. Joe suggests its how you can access the quantum field of infinite energy, then surely you believe.

    Instead of Dispenza or Tolle, I would recommend the thinking of Alan Watts. There’s been a wierd trend to create AI generated lectures of his, or remix his talks over chillstep beats, but the original works still hold muster:

    What does this have to do with this musical project? Two things: first, one cannot help but be an expression of your beliefs. Whether or not you are actively proselytizing, any time you get in front of a crowd and say “look at me” you are inviting inspection of your way of life. We are social creatures that copy what we see, even if we do not see the full picture. I think it is important to have a clear internal understanding of what you are representing whenever asking for someone’s attention. It’s better to be consciously aware of what you are projecting.

    I don’t think that I want to start singing protest songs anytime soon, but I do appreciate the challenge to examine my current philosophical stance and incorporate it further into my artistic pursuit. These books have helped me to re-evaluate my approach to art.

    Its very difficult to be completely satisfied with the current situation while also yearning for an improvement in the position. Of course I want more subscribers, that’s the game. But also, it’s already very cool that I’m getting as much attention as I am. The yearning for more is mere vanity. I can scheme and try to “do better” but in truth just playing for myself alone in my room is enough to celebrate. I feel lucky that I can enjoy playing at all. The middle path is certainly a challenging pursuit.

    The second thing is that I’m getting a sneaking suspicion that I may actually want to be a teacher. Just like with the singing, it really never entered my mind as a specific thing to pursue. But also with like with the singing, it seems like something that I’m naturally drawn toward. I will gladly explain what I’m doing and why I do it to anyone who will listen. And I admit its actually kind of fun. Whether it turns out to be teaching musical things, or having philosophical discussions, I’m starting to get that similar feeling that I may wind up pursuing these things whether or not “I” think I want to.

    Perhaps there actually are forces out there in the universe pushing me toward a certain future. Who knows?

  • Let there be art!

    After a year of existence, I finally got a proper logo and branding for this project! Big shout out to SugarDogStudios for working with me to come up with the design. I was stubbornly resisting using AI and hoped to find a local artist that I could rely on, and she really came through! I need to do a little work to integrate it here on the site, but I’m super happy to finally have proper art for all my social channels.

    Generic Isekai Protag-kun was the vibe I asked for

    Plus extra applause for Cheesecakes from the Uke Tribe Discord for making and sending the awesome bed sign over for me that became the basis of the logo! She’s the one who made those little ukulele’s I put on the bed as decor, and if you tune in from now on there’s a cool new sign to keep them company. Not sure if you can tell from the videos, but they’re hand-sewn ornaments made of felt. I think the original idea was to go on a Christmas tree or something, but they just happened to be a perfect accent for my little stream.

    Speaking of streams, I managed to make through the month without calling in sick, which was honestly the main goal. I’ve talked a lot about planning here, and the thing to do once you’ve made a plan is to execute it and see how accurate reality is against your projections. I came up with a schedule that I thought I could keep, and I was able to keep it! Being satisfied with that means I don’t need to fret as much over things like follower counts. I don’t know enough to make those proper goals, so any growth is basically bonus points.

    And there have been many bonus points! I somehow gained as many new Youtube subscribers in this month as I did in all of last year. I think a major part of it was that big guide to noodling aka improvisation on ukulele that I created. That seemed to be the most impactful activity. I have been trying to keep up with doing Youtube Shorts, and of course the daily streams too though, so it’s kind of hard to say exactly what the source of new subscribers is.

    But the number did shoot up after sharing that tutorial. Because of that I’m working on another one, but it’s also going to be on a rather difficult “intermediate” level skill that I’m still far from mastering, so, that’s taking some time to write. Its fun to see number go up, but also being able to reach more people more effectively with my music is kind of the goal.

    Twitch Happens

    Twitch growth has been slow but steady – started from 0 and now at 16 followers! I’m pretty sure at least half of those are real people who have actually talked to me, but it’s not quite the same as when I basically knew who over half of my Youtube subscribers were.

    Twitch strikes me as a much more social activity than I had initially anticipated. My idea was that if I am ever able to be upright again for extended periods of time, that I want to gain experience performing so that I could hold my own on stage at various venues around me, like restaurants or bars.

    But streaming on Twitch is much more interactive: chat is there to, well, chat. It feels sort of natural to latch on to whoever decides to say anything because otherwise… you don’t really know if anyone is actually there. At least, I’m not able to easily monitor my viewer counts given my current setup.

    I’m a little jealous of all the fancy overlays and chat commands and emotes that the bigger streamers have, but we’ll see. I have some medical stuff coming up this month that will tell me whether I should hold hope about getting better, or double down on the whole Twitch thing. I’d kind of rather not be another minion of big Bezos, but it kind of is the place to be. As if Alphabet tube is any better.

    There’s also the aspect of getting to know other streamers. Raids, where chat is forwarded to a new streamer when one is about to end theirs, is a whole thing. I’ve been watching more streamers recently to get a better idea of how it works, and there’s a sort of “pay it forward” mentality. People forward their chats to people they know. So like, hanging out in chat and getting to know streamers seems to be something worth doing. I honestly don’t know what button to push yet to do a raid, but also haven’t had the audience to make it worth doing either.

    “Hanging out” to get to know people is not a thing I do naturally for fun either. Part of it was that seeing normal people made me bitter so I learned to be ok with being alone in my room. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be playing uke and watching anime. But also I guess I’m a classic introvert in that it takes energy for me to be around people. I can’t help trying to create mental models of everyone I encounter to predict their behavior and act appropriately to create the outcomes I desire. Sound exhausting? Yeah, it kind of is.

    It’s the same game with the videos, with the streams, with the social media posts… and honestly I’d just rather not. But if there is hope that I can get better, then I want to lay a foundation for to hit the ground running. And if there’s no hope that I can get better, then I also want to lay a foundation for success. So I guess I really rather would. Ugh. Work is always going to be work. But this is something that I can do. And, actually, I do typically enjoy being in the company of like minded people, so I guess it’s just something I need to embrace.

    The other channel I’ve been working on developing is Blue Sky, but I don’t really get it. I made a tik tok account but I somehow have an innate distaste for that platform and don’t really get it either. Well, plenty on my plate for now.

    I’ll be doing some medical travel in the middle of this month, but otherwise, you should be able to find me playing live weekdays on Twitch and Youtube! Come say hi

  • LIVE, from my bed!

    I’ve figured out the live stream situation, at least the bare bones to get started, and made myself a venue where I can be heard: isekaiukulele.com/live

    Tentative streaming schedule is M-F 2:30-5:30PM HST

    Guess who put all his skill points into music instead of art… anyone want to help??

    I have been taking singing lessons for a little under a year now, and I’m quite happy with the progress. That’s been a(n expensive but) very good time. I’ve learned so many things that I never even imagined before under the guidance of an experienced professional.

    While I plan to continue improving my skill, I feel like I’m at the point where I need to start gaining more experience performing in front of people. I actually think I’m quite ready yet, but I’m not sure that I’ll ever actually feel “ready” as I might imagine it. 

    Until now I’ve been mostly playing for my four bedroom walls, or for the camera where I can retry until I get a good take. It’s quite different when someone else is in front of you and listening intently. If I were a normal person I’d play the busking game and go outside to sing on a street corner where strangers can keep walking if they don’t want to hear. Unfortunately that’s not so easy for me to do.  

    Fortunately it just so happens we live in a day and age where there is a practical method to share one’s music across the world without taking a step outside of one’s room. So why not turn the camera on?

    Well, unlike a busy street where people are walking by anyway, the digital attention economy is extremely crowded. In this era, music has become entirely commoditized. All the world’s music is available at your fingertips with a simple search. AI spits out music that is increasingly becoming indistinguishable from artists with decades of experience. Why bother listening to an amateur stumble through their catalog? 

    If you turn the camera on, there’s no guarantee that anyone will come watch. And if people do click on you to watch, how can you deliver something worth their time? I feel like I need to do more than just show up. I need a strategy to gain attention, a reason to be heard.

    Well, that’s the game isn’t it? If I figure out how to win, I’ll share it here. Until then, I’m happy to be mostly ignored while I continue to hone my singing skills. Give me another year or two, and hopefully I’ll be somewhere good by then.

  • Matter over Mind

    So I found out that you don’t need 50 subscribers to stream live on YouTube. I guess that’s just a requirement for the mobile app or something. I still have a lot of issues to work out, but it’s all sorts of these little details that I don’t consider until I run into it as a problem. Like, somehow my eyes keep creeping up out of the frame XD

    And this is a perfect example of the “matter over mind” perspective I’d like to share. I thought I couldn’t do a thing, and so I didn’t. But the truth was, materially, it was possible. I just had to look closer at the actual situation. What the mind thinks is real is irrelevant. What is actually real if the material world we exist in. Matter is the prime substance. 

    In a similar way, the biggest thing I learned last year was that what I thought I wanted to do is not what I actually wanted to do. The mind is an unreliable narrator. 

    I used to be very goal oriented. Decide what you want, make a plan to get it, execute and refine until successful. Having the rug pulled from under my feet with no reason or recourse made me reevaluate my perspective. Despite having a very mind-first approach, it could do nothing to remedy my situation. I believed then and still firmly believe now that when there’s a will there’s a way. But there was nothing I wanted enough to push through the extreme difficulty and pain to obtain. My will was insufficient. And so I came to believe instead that will is a function of the brain – that is, of matter. 

    Case in point: I told my body to play music every day, and that I wanted to do instrumentals. I fully intended to do so. But when I picked up the uke, the body kept singing. Instead of focusing on transcribing anisong, which I thought I wanted to do but rarely pursued because it was a super frustrating process due to not being able to use a computer effectively, I’d learn to sing some new song that got stuck in my head instead. When it was pointed out that I seemed to just be singing a lot, I agreed and eventually just accepted that maybe what I really wanted to do is sing. And I’m quite happy with the outcome so far.  

    So I’ve been trying on the perspective that the body will do whatever it wants to, and the best thing to do is adapt the mindset accordingly. There are ways in which you can encourage the body to do things, but ultimately the body controls the mind. You are your body, and the mind is a reflection of your physical state. Some may call it fate, or soul, but I am currently a hardline materialist. What is real is material, all the way down. There’s a whole practical line of reasoning behind this, see the works of Daniel Dennett, and Michael Graziano’s Attention Schema Theory of Consciousness if interested in learning more.

    Many can and do train the body to reflect the wishes of the mind. For example, I’ve met many who dedicated their lives to making money and have found great financial success. Whether or not that leads to a happy life or inner fulfillment is a different question. We do the best we can with all we got. 

    In the past, if the mind wanted more than what the body could handle I’d say work hard and you can get there. You can get it if you really want, but you must try, try and try, try and try. I still believe in this adage. But now I say, well, maybe change the mind to reflect where the body is. Am I sure I really want it? If I don’t have it, in reality, I must admit I didn’t want it enough to try, try and try until I got it. In truth,  the body actually wanted something else. 

    The path of a solo singer is very different from that of the solo instrumentalist. I started this blog with a vision for how to create a platform for an instrumentalist. Now I have to pivot. It’s a little strange because I don’t feel super mentally compelled to walk this path – no bolt of inspiration or “good idea” appeared that I just have to explore further. But here we are. 

    I thought I felt perfectly fine being a recluse and not singing for anyone else. I just find myself at the foot of this mountain and it feels like the body wants to climb it. So the new theme for this year is how to find an audience for the aspiring singer-strummer. I know there are many people out there who also want to have their singing be heard, so perhaps I can still light a path to follow. 

  • Chapter 1 – A hikki-neet turns on his camera

    So, I want to be a streamer… 

    A decade ago I graduated with an MBA and was working hard as a development coordinator raising millions of dollars for a nonprofit organization. Then I got horrifically sick.

    I became bedridden in near constant agony, eventually had to move back in with my parents, and had to totally let go of being a highly proficient productive member of society. I had a lot of time while staring at my ceiling for contemplation and self reflection. Thus I embraced being a hikki-NEET loser (and watched a ton of anime). My physical condition has improved significantly after some treatment, but I’m still effectively bedridden and prone to random bouts of severe migraines. 

    For the uninitiated: “Hikki” is short for “hikkikomori” which is roughly translated as “social recluse” aka one who stays in their room all day and never touches grass. Sort of like a reddit mod (which I (un?)ironically was for a bit). “NEET” stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training. Basically no job and no prospects for one. I mean, I am disabled, and trying to do real work often results in excruciating pain. So, there’s that.

    Still, these are rather derogatory terms, which became normalized in isekai (“other world”) anime where the adventure starts after the pathetic main character dies in an accident and gets reincarnated into a fantasy land with cheat powers and gets the girl(s) and saves the world.

    One of the big questions they asked as we trained to be the business leaders of the next generation was: what would you do with FU money? That is, the amount of money in your bank account that you would say F U to anyone who asked you to do something you didn’t want to. 

    Funnily enough, my answer is that I would probably want to play music, and video games, and watch all the anime. Which is pretty close to what I do now. If I actually had money I’d have the family and security and even more musical toys, but eh, if I don’t look on the bright side it’s easy to fall into the pit of despair. Maybe one day those things will come.

    So I have been playing the music. Lots of it. Last year I launched this blog and a YouTube channel to document my progress. I can’t say it was a resounding success, but I definitely learned a lot along the way. It was a step back toward being “productive” which is such a deeply ingrained mindset that it’s hard to ignore. I don’t work and I still get to eat, but the fragility of the situation is hard to ignore. My parents won’t be around to take care of me forever. 

    If I had to work, I’d want to be a musician. If that’s the case, I should start preparing for that now. And so I blog. And make videos. And have decided to try be social and start streaming… right now I’m only playing in a few discord channels I’m comfortable in, but soon enough I’ll make the jump to Twitch. 

    I’d kind of rather just stay on Youtube, but apparently you need 50 subscribers to start streaming, and I didn’t manage to find that many in all of last year. But, I didn’t really care about that either. I feel like I would recognize the face (or ukulele!) of about half of my subscribers, and that feels better to me than a big number.  You get what you ask for.

    I started an account on bluesky today. Guess I’m really asking for it…

  • The Big List of AniSong

    The plan is coming along, slowly but surely. I’m typically the time to prefer to Aim, Fire, Repeat, but I recognize that sometimes Fire, Scramble, Aim can lead to success. That’s how I started this project, and it was a good way to test my capacity. I’ve learned a lot about myself since it started. But it’s not how I want to continue, so I’m taking the time I need to put together what I feel is the best way for me to ensure my long term success.

    This means a lot of thinking, and drafting up a written plan execute. While I do this, I naturally like to listen to music. During a break I happened to watch Project A-ko, and really liked a song, so I thought I’d add the ending theme to my anime songs playlist. One thing led to another, and the playlist ballooned from a bit over an hour to over six hours long.

    Here it is for your listening pleasure:

    Click the dots to play on Spotify, find the YouTube playlist here and full track list below



    The rules were simple:

    1. I must have actually watched the anime, and preferably liked it.
    2. Multiple entries from an artist or series should be minimized.
    3. I should like the song, to the point of being willing to create an instrumental arrangement.

    Very few songs broke rule one – none the first half, but there were a couple songs I liked much more than the show itself (*stares at domestic girlfriend*). How much I liked the show did play a big part in the selection. I was able to keep most duplicates down to two, though Creepy Nuts managed to sneak a third banger in. Finally I’ve said before that this project was initially intended to be about anime song instrumentals, and this is basically the pool of music I was thinking of drawing from. If you have any requests, I will consider giving them priority, though I am currently in another one-string training arc so it may take some time. No guarantees.

    Actually, I could probably add another couple hours of music if I tried – especially if I go out of my way to watch some popular things I just happen to not have seen, and ease the dupe rules for the popular (and long running) shounen’s. I don’t watch a lot of anime movies, so there’s another source of quite a lot I could easily draw from. In fact I’ve probably only seen three or four Miyazaki films ever, and those could easily add an hour of awesome music alone. And there’s the vast sea of mediocre isekai whose songs I might want to revisit someday.

    But what, six hours isn’t long enough?!

    I also like that I get to share some of the music of some maybe more obscure shows that I really enjoy. And if anyone out there is already familiar, maybe it’s nice to hear that someone else likes what you like.

    I ran into the wall while making this where I added something I liked but later forgot what show the song was from, then couldn’t look it up because Spotify won’t let you copy the Japanese to search. So, you may have to count, but in case you hear something you enjoy and want to check out the series, I’ve prepared a written list of the shows each song is from. I’ve also mirrored the list on YouTube so you can watch the actual title sequences too. YT quality isn’t as consistent though, and I don’t pay for premium so I get ads and issues with play-in-picture mode. The plus side is these are mostly the 1:30 min tv edits which I’d base any instrumentals on, and not everyone is on Spotify anyway. You can contact me on YT or discord if you have any questions or find mistakes.

    After the anime name, “op” means opening, “ed” means ending, and “ost” means original soundtrack. A number indicates which season, if there is none, it should be the first (or only) theme. I may have messed up some of the romanji, but hopefully you can find whatever you’re looking for.

    Track: Anime title op/ed/ost – Song name by Artist

    1. Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt ed – Fallen Angel by Mitsunori Ikeda feat Aimee B
    2. Call of the night ed – Yofukashino uta by Creepy Nuts 
    3. Ya boy kongming op – chitty chitty bang bang by queendom 
    4. Oshi no ko op – idol by yoasobi
    5. Spy x Family op2 – Souvenir by Bump of Chicken 
    6. Revolutionary girl utena – Rondo Revolution by Shoko Nakagawa 
    7. Neon Genesis Evangelion – A Cruel angels thesis by Yoko Takahashi
    8. Darling in the Franxx op – Kiss of Death by Mika Nakashima
    9. Rising of the Shield Hero op – Rise by Madkid
    10. Hunter x Hunter op – Departure! by Masaroshi Ono
    11. Humanity has declined op – Real World by Nano.ripe
    12. Erased op – Re: re: by Asian Kung Fu Generation
    13. Gintama op – Pray by Tommy Heavenly6
    14. Nana op – Rose by Anna Tsuchiya 
    15. Non non biyori op – Nanairo Biyori by nano.Ripe
    16. Non non biyori ost – Ren-chan and a sunny road by Hiromi Mizutani 
    17. Serial Experiments Lain – Duvet by boa
    18. Bakemonogatari op2 – Kaerimichi (Road Home) by Emiri Kato 
    19. Bakemonogatari op4 – Ren’ai Circulation by Kana Hanazawa
    20. Red ranger in another world ed – Explosive Heart by Uchida Aya
    21. Is the order a rabbit? Op2 – No Points! by petit rabbit’s
    22. Is the order a rabbit? Ed2 – Tokimeki poporon by Chimame-tai
    23. Haiyore Nyaruko-San W op – Love is the servant of chaos by ushirokarahaiyoritai G
    24. March comes in like a lion op2 – Goodbye Bystander by YUKI
    25. Keep your hands off eziouken op – Easy Breezy by chelmico 
    26. So I’m a spider, so what? ed – Ganbare! Kumoko-san by Aoi Yuuki
    27. Welcome to the NHK ed – Dance baby human by Otsuki Kenji and Kitsutaka Fumihiko 
    28. Cowboy Bebop ed – The real folk blues by Mai Yamane 
    29. Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure: phantom blood op – Jojo soon chido sadame by Hiroaki Tommy Tominaga
    30. Cromartie High (mechazawa’s humming song) – Ningen Nante by Takuro Yoshida
    31. (YT only) Cromartie High School op – Jun by Takuro Yoshida
    32. Ranma ½ op – (Ya) jajauma ni sasenaide by Etsuko Nishio
    33. Fushigi Yuugi op – itooshi hito tame ni by Satou Akemi 
    34. Dragon Ball op – makefushigi adventure by Hiroki Takahashi
    35. Project A-Ko ed – Follow your dream by Valerie Stevenson
    36. Zeta gundam ed – Believe by Mami Ayukawa
    37. Armored trooper votoms op – Honoo no Sadame by TETSU
    38. Bubblegum Crisis op – Konia wa Hurricane by Kinuko Ohmori
    39. Outlaw star ed – Hiro no Tsuki by Akino Arai
    40. Hakumei to Mitochi op – chima by urar 
    41. Laid back camp op3 – Laid back journey by Kimi no ne
    42. My deer friend shikanoko op – shikario days by Deer Club 
    43. Let this grieving soul retire ed – Scream by pmaru sama
    44. Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear ed – anone by Yuna
    45. Catch me at the ballpark ed – Shake! Don’t shake! by ruriko, aona, and sara 
    46. Food for the souls ed – Miso soup and butter by Reira Ushio
    47. Heaven’s design team op – Give it up? by kuroneko 
    48. Shimoneta: A boring world where dirty jokes don’t exist ed – Inner Urge by Sumire Uesaka
    49. Go go loser ranger op – Preview of Me by Tatsuya Kitani
    50. Excel Saga op – Ai (chuuseishin) by Excel Girls
    51. Gunslinger girl op – The light before we land by The Delgados
    52. Escaflowne op – Yubiwa by Maaya Sakamoto
    53. Kino’s Journey op – all the way by mikuni shimokawa
    54. Domestic Girlfriend op – Kawaki to Ameku by Minami
    55. Your lie in April ed – wacci by  kirameki
    56. Love, chunnibyo, and other delusions op – sparkling daydream by zaq
    57. Chobits op – Let me be with you by Round Table feat nino
    58. Konosuba op2 – tomorrow by machico
    59. Witch Hunter Robin op – Shell by Bana
    60. Ergo proxy op – kiri by Monoral
    61. To your eternity op – Pink Blood by Hikaru Utada 
    62. Mushishi op – The sore feet song by Ally Kerr 
    63. Samurai Champloo op – Battlecry by Nujabes feat Shing02
    64. Mashle op – Bling-bang-bang-born by Creepy Nuts 
    65. Dan Da Dan op – Otonoke by Creepy Nuts
    66. Shangri-la Frontier op2 – Danger, Danger by FZMZ, icy
    67. Negative positive angler ed – Shonen Yokkyu by kuroneko
    68. Pseudo Harem ed – Ad lib by Nanakura Rin
    69. Apocalypse Hotel op – Skirt by aiko 
    70. Apocalypse hotel ost – Welcome to hotel “Gingaru” by Yoshiaki Fujisawa
    71. Baccano! op – Guns and Roses by Super Soul Bros
    72. Campfire Cooking in another world with my absurd skill op – Luxury Spoon by Van de Shop
    73. Delicious in Dungeon op2 – unmei by sumika
    74. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid op – Rhapsody of Blue Sky by fhana 
    75. Space dandy op – Viva namida by Yasuyuki okamura
    76. Kaguya-sama love is war op – Daddy daddy do by Masayuki Suzuki 
    77. Cowboy bebop op – Tank! by Seatbelts 
    78. Birdy the Mighty Decode ed – Let’s go together by Afromania 
    79. Great Teacher Onizuka op – Driver’s high by L’arc en Ciel
    80. Tsukimichi -moonlit fantasy- op – gambling by syudou
    81. The melancholy of haruhi suzumiya ost – god knows by Aya hirano
    82. Ninja and assassin under one roof op – Yarenno? Endless by Kana Hanazawa
    83. Re:zero ed1 – Styx Helix by Myth and Roid
    84. Overlord III op – Voracity by Myth and Roid
    85. Dorohedoro op – Welcome to Chaos by (k)now_name
    86. Bocchi the rock op – seishun complex by kessoku band 
    87. Demon Slayer op – guruenge by LiSA
    88. Sword art online op – crossing field by LiSA
    89. Code Geass op – Colors by Flow
    90. Naruto op4 – Go by Flow
    91. Ping pong the animation – Tadahitori by bakudan Johnny 
    92. Death note op – the World by nightmare 
    93. Bleach op – Asterisk by Orange Range 
    94. One piece op – We are! by Hiroshi Kitadani
    95. That time I got reincarnated as a slime op – nameless story by Takuma Tereshima
    96. Spice and wolf op – Tabi no Tochuu by Natsumi Kiyoura
    97. Made in abyss op – Deep in Abyss by Miyu Tomita
    98. Mushoku Tensei – Tabibito no Uta by Yuiko Ohara 
    99. .hack//sign ed – yasashii yoake by see-saw 
    100. .hack//sign op – obsession by see-saw
    101. Ghost in the shell op – the birth of a cyborg by Kenji Kawai
    102. Texhnolyze op – guardian angel by Juno reactor 
    103. From Bureaucrat to villainess: Dad’s been reincarnated ed – Matsuken Samba by Inoue Kazuhiku and MAO
    104. Pokémon op – Pokémon Theme (Gotta catch em all!) by Jason Paige

  • Next steps…

    A goal without a plan is but a dream. Dream’s are fine, but they as free and plentiful as the stars. We can dream as much as we like. There’s nothing wrong with chasing a dream, holding to a dream, or letting go of one at any time. After all, they are just the flickers of imagination that fill our head at night.

    An issue only arises when we start wanting to make our dreams a reality. For most, dreams are challenges that lie beyond the reach of ordinary effort – if it were easy we’d just get it already. I have found that when I want to get from here to there in the most effective way possible, a plan is an indispensable tool.

    A plan begins with a goal. What are we trying to achieve? We identify the conditions for success. Then we look at all the obstacles in the way, and then how to overcome those. Without being explicitly written out, its easy for things to slip between the cracks. After all, the goal is a challenge because we are reaching for something our grasp.

    When we put the plan in motion, we get feedback so that we can better choose how to spend our limited time and energy to get to where we want to be. It’s important to have the solid description of what was tried so we know what works to repeat, and what to change to do better next time.

    Of course, I’m writing all this now because I have no plan. And I’m doing this instead of writing a plan because I don’t know what my goal is. I find myself in a post-sprint exhaustion wherein I’ve accomplished my initial goal and am uncertain of the direction I want to go from here.

    In truth I wanted to have the plan written out before starting this blog so I could hit the ground running and not look back. But I kept putting that off to the point where I decided it would probably serve me to just jump in and play it by ear.

    That balance of rigidity to flexibility is always a difficult thing to maintain. Sometimes just going for it works out. Done is always better than perfect. Reality always trumps fantasy. Now I have a blog, instead of just vague dreams of a blog.

    And so here I am caught in between breaths not knowing which direction to take. There’s nothing wrong with just doing whatever feels right, but it’s hard to maintain the momentum to overcome difficult challenges when there’s no shining light at the end of the tunnel. This week’s offering is exactly that: a half-assed interpretation of a song I’d like to play, but was not willing to put in the effort to do it properly.

    Doing it “properly” means learning how and why this song that I like works, and brings me a step closer to understanding how the musician I admire created it. Instead, I just churn out what sounds “close enough” to me and is fun and easy for me to play. I like it enough to share, but it doesn’t push me closer to any specific goal.

    Here’s the real song:

    Right now I just have a general goal at getting better at playing ukulele, and any playing can be considered a step in the right direction. But its a stark contrast to having a set of repertoire to polish up to “performance ready.” I felt the improvement, and felt the accomplishment for the work I did over the past few months, but where to go from here is unclear.

    I have a thing where I try continuously have to realign my ideas of “what I want” with “what I actually do.” For example: I think and say that “I want to be a better ukulele player” and so I practice daily. But the way that I practice by default is not in a way that moves me toward the direction of the “better ukulele player” that I want to be. Objectively, these actions reflect that I “just want to have fun making noise” instead of becoming a “better player.”

    At the start of the year I set a goal to polish up a set that I could take to play by a pool. I made a plan to focus on three songs a week, followed through on the plan, and feel like I now have a set that I could play in public. It was freaking hard. I never put in that kind of work before to become a better player, and without a hard challenge I’m slipping back into my default practice habits.

    But that’s the kind of “better player” I want to be. I want to be able to proudly play in public. Maybe? Maybe not, since I’m not doing it. I need to get out of my house and try it out more, but my physical condition makes it an somewhat risky activity. There’s a rather high chance that I will wind up with nausea and a harsh migraine that will last for several days if I dare to push my physical limits.

    There’s a lot of music I’m interested in being able to play too. I still have all the anime music instrumentals I want to learn to play. I’ve picked up some new modern pop songs and some new older pop songs to extend the performance set. There’s a handful of jazz standards that are entering my repertoire. I’ve even managed to play an hour’s worth of instrumentals, albeit at a lower level of polish than performance set.

    Going outside to perform might be worth the risk. I can get it if I really want, but I must try, try, and try. If I really want to “get there” someday, I need another plan. I need to find where “there” is. Then I can try to find the right path to travel. Just, where is it that I want to go? What is worth putting all the effort and energy into?

    Why not just chill and not worry about it and watch more isekai?

  • Thoughts on the voice lessons so far

    I asked the teacher and was recommended to stick to the warm up exercises using the piano instead of trying to learn to do them on the ukulele, so that’s what I will do. I did want to record a bit of my journey with the vocals too though, so I’ll try to document some of my main takeaways here. Be aware that the advice I’m getting from my teacher is tailored to me and my situation, so it may or may not be relevant to your journey. 

    If you are interested in taking singing seriously though, I can highly recommend investing in some private lessons (after reading Singing for Dummies and trying to implement the ideas on your own for a bit first). It’s expensive, but I would be so much further along if I had had these three lessons I’ve taken so far 5 years ago. This are my thoughts and takeaways after about one month of lessons.

    So, the first big idea was that the voice is a unique instrument and that it needs to be treated as such. Like most wind instruments, there is a point of resonance that sounds the “fullest” because all the air is moving through the instrument in just the right way to create that effect. 

    The voice is no different. If we pay attention, we can choose where the sound “rests” when coming out of our mouth. We can move it forward and make it nasal-y, or backward to be more open. So my first big idea was to move my tone to a point where it sounds naturally full. 

    And to keep it there. In fact, I was instructed to pay attention to the way that I speak to develop the habit of placing my voice in the pocket by default. Now, I don’t speak much in general since I spend most of my time alone in bed in my room, but it’s certainly a new exercise to try to be away and maintain control in every single conversation. It makes perfect sense though. Being a proper good singer is an entire lifestyle choice. 

    Next, a lot of the issues I have are actually very similar to what I faced in the unitar exercises: paying attention to the attack, release, and tone of my notes. With singing there’s several unique layers of challenge. Of course we need to hit the right note, but we also need to use the right consonant and vowel sounds, with the right dynamic, and the appropriate attack for the music. And follow that by holding the pitch with the right tone for the proper duration. Then end the note on time in the way that sounds best. 

    So, how do we get there? Vocal exercises. The captain of the ship Serious who facilitated the unitar exercise could tell immediately that I did not do any proper vocal warm ups or training. And my voice teacher has quickly honed in that the best thing for me to do is expand the set of exercises that I go through daily to work on these fundamental aspects of singing. 

    We’re partially working off the Bel Canto Method, but not in the exact numerical order of the method file I was provided. So far I’ve been assigned two note scales, three note scales, chromatic half steps, major arpeggios, and three-count tones. Mostly on an “ah” vowel, sometimes also on “ee.” 

    Also lip trills while humming to practice moving air a higher speeds. In hindsight it shouldn’t be surprising how physical the activity is, but apparently singing very much a practical athletic endeavor.

    I’m paying close attention to how I start my notes, how I hold them, and how I end them. Honestly it’s pretty mentally taxing. I’m trying to apply these lessons to the songs I’ve been singing, and I feel like my brain doesn’t have enough bandwidth to properly compute. But I trust that with time and practice things will improve. It hasn’t even been a month of lessons yet, and I already feel like I’m poised to make great strides in this field. 

    At the same time I’m also seeing just how far this field goes. I mean, obviously it’s a long and well explored discipline, but I naively believed that I was maybe getting halfway to decent just by doing whatever felt right. If you noticed, I’m more of a book learner than a youtube learner, and actually mostly prefer to try to figure things out on my own. But taking a closer look with an actual expert, it’s clear that I’m more like halfway to halfway decent. A little bit of tailored expert guidance surely goes a long way. 

    The road ahead seems long, but also like a fun and rewarding journey. I never really thought I had the ambition to be a good singer, but it seems I have grown to enjoy it and actually do want to get good. Having a good teacher is giving me hope that it may be possible. The motto of this year rings true as ever: you can get it if you really want, but you must try, try and try, try and try… You’ll succeed at last!